RAGE: A Critique

A match made in Heaven: the developers of the critically acclaimed Elder Scrolls franchise and the Fallout series from the prequel and up, and the makers of the FPS games to play, coming together. No, I’m not talking about a merger between Bethesda and iD, otherwise we’d be in a perfect world and to ask for anything else would shatter this fragile dream. Instead, we’re given what every gamer has nightmares about.... just when we thought we’d had enough - yes, I am infact talking about Borderlands 1.5. Why 1.5? Because it’s an unofficial sequel to the soon-to-be released sequel of Gearbox Studios’ unloved child, which cannot be named (despite being said recently). So to prevent my head from exploding and getting it put on YouTube (it’d be cooler than what these two famous developers thought would be decent), iD and Bethesda were kind enough to name it “Rage”. Yes, I did a lot of this during gameplay. It was like seeing the English Gabe and Tycho, but instead one person playing this mind-numbing.... generic thing (it’s not even a game). So yes, let’s get it out of the way and begin an endeavour into RAGE.

The story is atrocious and barely explained at the beginning of the game. Does it make it exciting? Does it make me want to play to find out more? Does it contain elements of mystery and suspence? No. No it doesn’t. Any microbe of “yes” that exists for the answers there, exists because you’re thinking of another game. RAGE has a poor story, involving a ship crashing and you being the only survivor. Yes, this is in fact one of those sequels that tells you what happened before the events of the first game. So how does it begin? Bandit attack, then being led to a town to help the people. Close your eyes and feel free to make all the references to other games you can, because there’s more coming up. Now open your eyes and continue reading. When you kill an entire empire of bandits despite having zero combat experience (or it being explained) or any knowledge on how to use a firearm, you’re rewarded with some armour that hides your Vault 101 suit. Then you’re sent off again to get medical supplies and repair a radio tower. That is where I shut off the game because I no longer had faith in it. Perhaps I will return to it, but only to get the vomit that is stuck in my throat out. No, that was just plain disgusting, I apologize.

For ten minutes of the hour I played, I sat and wondered, “what’s worse? The story or the gameplay?” And it didn’t strike me the least bit odd that they’re both as damnable as each other. First of all, it’s a first-person shooter. So chances are, it’s going to be awful. Secondly, it’s an RPG - do I still have to give this thing a number, because I don’t think there’s minus whatever number I’m going to give. The only times I can see this was done correctly (to some extent) was Fallout 3, when faith in Bethesda was slowly tipping off the edge. Luckily, a good game was made a few years later, and I smiled as I stopped playing that three weeks later and returned my loyalty to TESIV:Oblivion. So, what’s the game like? Borderlands? That’s not the only thing I can think of, as Bulletstorm (trying to mix Left 4 Dead, Gears of War and Borderlands together gets you this - not a bad mix, but certainly not the best) often comes into this. And you think I’m emphasizing? Well, play it for yourself and see if you can survive three discs of content! The achievements/trophies make it sound like the developers think you’re going to play more than one playthrough of this.... no, using faeces as an insult is being positive towards this game.

OK, so on a serious note, what does the game involve? As I’ve said time and time again, fetch quests. So yes, it already fails to appeal to any audience - if I want to play the generic questing style of Borderlands, WoW, Everquest, Guild Wars, DC Universe, Dungeons and Dragons and LOTRO, I’ll just play those for free (for the most part). RAGE doesn’t bring anything new to the table, as the combat isn’t unique, the KO system is nothing more than garbage (when you get knocked out, it’s like you’ve got to play a board game to get yourself back up.... three times), and there’s no relationship between you and the other characters. It’s like a quester going from Lv.1 to endgame without bothering to read quest-text (Speaking of which, my Helene might like this....). What else? Oh, nothing. That’s gameplay covered.

A little review for a game that has little effort put into it. It’s barely gripping, and it’s just the same-ol’ same-ol’ for each mission (as far as I know, lost interest in the first hour). What could be improved? For a start, a different setting. We’ve seen sand far too many times, barren wastelands aren’t new.... so how about a glacier environment? Maybe somewhere that’s aquatic? The questing system can be dumped completely and the game should be made a free-roaming one, instead of “You could go out and explore, but if you do you’ll find absolutely nothing”. And is there really so much content that the game needs 3 discs? God forbid you get this game pre-owned. I say the game’s atrocious, and I won’t take it back unless I get a constructive argument. Why? Because if I get something like “Dude, it’s iD and Bethesda!”, then I’m sure you’ll be seeing where I sent this game very quickly. This is one of those games that cries out, “BUY ME! BUY ME! I’M FROM TWO OF THE BEST DEVELOPERS EVER!” (otherwise known as buy teh haloz), but that means little nowadays. Take the Super Mario explotation games (Galaxy, 3D, Party, the latest Kart games) or heck - Duke Nukem! This is merely an example of being suckered into bad games with big names.

Brands don’t count for anything anymore.